You do not tell the things of home to outsiders — the family's internal affairs, conflicts, troubles, and secrets are not to be shared with the outside world. The boundary between family and the world is absolute, and what happens inside stays inside.
The Sicilian family's relationship to the outside world was one of strategic opacity. What happened in the house — arguments between spouses, financial difficulties, illness, a relative's disgrace — was not the business of neighbours, friends, or anyone beyond the family circle. This was not secrecy for its own sake but the practical knowledge that information, once outside, could be weaponised. In a society where honour was publicly maintained and vulnerability was exploited, showing cracks in the family facade was dangerous. Children were taught this rule almost before they could speak: do not tell at school what happens at home, do not answer questions from neighbours about the family, do not be the source of anyone's knowledge about the internal life of the household. This rule created families that were extraordinarily self-contained — and sometimes imprisoned by their own silence.
One of the most fundamental rules of Sicilian family culture, rooted in the principle of family honour and strategic opacity toward the outside world. 'Cunta' = conta/racconta, 'cosi' = cose, 'di fora' = di fuori (outside). Universal across Sicily.
A child who mentioned a family argument to a friend
— Ho detto alla mia amica che voi litigate. — Nun si cunta i cosi di casa di fora. Quello che succede qui resta qui.
— I told my friend that you argue. — You do not tell the things of home to outsiders. What happens here stays here.
After a relative shared family news with the neighbourhood
Come fa tutta via Roma a sapere i fatti nostri? Nun si cunta i cosi di casa di fora — chi ha parlato?
How does all of Via Roma know our business? You do not tell the things of home to outsiders — who talked?
Declining to discuss family matters with a nosy acquaintance
— Come mai tuo fratello non lavora più? — Non lo so. Nun si cunta i cosi di casa di fora.
— Why is your brother not working anymore? — I do not know. You do not tell the things of home to outsiders.
A family therapy discussion about Sicilian cultural barriers to openness
Crescendo con nun si cunta i cosi di casa di fora, fare terapia è stato difficile. Parlare con uno straniero dei problemi di famiglia sembrava un tradimento.
Growing up with 'you do not tell the things of home to outsiders,' doing therapy was difficult. Speaking to a stranger about family problems felt like a betrayal.