He who complains about everyone is the problem — if a person has conflicts with everyone they encounter, the common factor is themselves. A proverb of self-awareness and accountability that punctures the habit of constant victimhood. In a communal culture like Sicily's, where maintaining harmony required flexibility and self-examination, this was a sharp diagnostic tool.
Sicilian culture was paradoxically both given to complaint — the rich tradition of lament, grievance, and dark humour about life's injustices — and deeply impatient with those who blamed everyone but themselves. The village had limited tolerance for the person who was always fighting with neighbours, always had disputes with shopkeepers, always found fault with relatives. At a certain point, the community's quiet consensus shifted from sympathy to diagnosis: if everyone you encounter is the problem, perhaps you are the problem. The proverb was rarely said to someone's face — that would violate the indirect code of Sicilian criticism — but circulated behind backs as a social verdict. It was also a check on self-pity: the person rehearsing their list of wrongs suffered at others' hands might be told, gently but firmly, that the list itself was evidence of something other than what they supposed.
A Sicilian proverb of self-accountability and social diagnosis, used in communal settings to redirect blame from external to internal. 'Cu' = chi (he who), 'si lamenta' = si lamenta (complains), 'di tutti' = di tutti (about everyone). The proverb circulates subtly through Sicilian social commentary, rarely said directly.
Discussing someone who had a new conflict every week
Prima il vicino, poi il capo, poi il marito, poi le amiche. Cu si lamenta di tutti è il problema — a un certo punto bisogna guardarsi allo specchio.
First the neighbour, then the boss, then the husband, then the friends. He who complains about everyone is the problem — at a certain point you have to look in the mirror.
Giving advice to someone who felt persecuted
Se ogni posto dove lavori è un inferno e ogni persona che incontri è cattiva... cu si lamenta di tutti è il problema. Non è possibile che abbiano sempre torto tutti.
If every place you work is hell and every person you meet is bad... he who complains about everyone is the problem. It is not possible that everyone is always wrong.
Applying the proverb to self-examination
Ho passato un anno a lamentarmi di tutto. Poi mi sono ricordato: cu si lamenta di tutti è il problema. Ho cominciato a cambiarmi io.
I spent a year complaining about everything. Then I remembered: he who complains about everyone is the problem. I started changing myself.
Mediating between feuding relatives
Vi lamentate entrambi che l'altro è il problema. Ma cu si lamenta di tutti è il problema — forse nessuno dei due ha ragione al cento per cento.
You both complain that the other is the problem. But he who complains about everyone is the problem — perhaps neither of you is one hundred percent right.