He who loves and he who hates are seen immediately — the extremes of feeling betray themselves involuntarily; the person who loves you and the person who hates you both reveal themselves through small unguarded moments whether they intend to or not. A proverb of emotional intelligence and acute human observation, reflecting the Sicilian talent for reading people beneath their public performance.
In a culture of necessary concealment — where you did not always say what you thought, where social performance was sophisticated, where smiling at an enemy was a skill taught from childhood — the ability to read what lay beneath the surface was a survival skill. Sicilians prided themselves on this perceptiveness: they could see the real feeling in a too-long handshake, an avoided eye, a tone of voice that did not quite match the words, a moment of hesitation before a compliment. Love revealed itself in hundreds of small ways before any declaration: the extra attention, the particular care with a gift, the way a person's posture changed in the presence of someone they loved. Hatred similarly leaked out — in the barely concealed satisfaction when things went wrong, the too-enthusiastic agreement with criticism of the loved one, the small neglects that accumulated into a pattern. The proverb was both a warning to those who thought they were hiding their feelings successfully and a reassurance to those who feared they were alone in perceiving what others denied.
A Sicilian proverb of social and emotional perceptiveness, encoding the island's culture of acute human observation beneath the veil of formal courtesy. 'Cu' = chi (he who), 'ama' = ama (loves), 'odia' = odia (hates), 'si vedunu' = si vedono (are seen), 'subitu' = subito (immediately). Found across Sicilian oral tradition in contexts of social reading and emotional intelligence.
After reading a colleague's true feelings from their behaviour
Dice di non avercela con te ma il modo in cui guarda quando parli dice altro. Cu ama e cu odia si vedunu subitu — non si può nascondere a lungo.
He says he has nothing against you but the way he looks when you speak says otherwise. He who loves and he who hates are seen immediately — it cannot be hidden for long.
Explaining how to evaluate a new acquaintance
Non ascoltare solo le parole. Guarda come si comporta nei momenti non guardati. Cu ama e cu odia si vedunu subitu.
Do not listen only to the words. Watch how he behaves in unguarded moments. He who loves and he who hates are seen immediately.
Consoling someone who had doubts about a friend's sincerity
Se ti vuole bene, lo vedi. Cu ama e cu odia si vedunu subitu — non c'è bisogno di test o prove elaborate.
If he cares for you, you can see it. He who loves and he who hates are seen immediately — no elaborate tests or proofs are needed.
Reflecting on how children are particularly perceptive
I bambini lo sanno sempre. Cu ama e cu odia si vedunu subitu — i bambini vedono quello che gli adulti hanno imparato a ignorare.
Children always know. He who loves and he who hates are seen immediately — children see what adults have learned to ignore.