Non vorrei essere dato/a per scontato/a.

I wouldn't like to be taken for granted.

Pronunciation

non vor-REI ES-se-re DA-to per scon-TA-to — stress on 'rei', 'es-', 'da-', 'ta-'. 'Scontato' has three syllables.

When to use it

Expressing the need to be appreciated and seen — one of the most common and important relationship conversations.

What it means

'Non vorrei essere' = I wouldn't like to be (conditional). 'Dato/a per scontato/a' = taken for granted (literally 'given for granted'). The adjective agrees with gender. Being 'preso per scontato' is a common Italian relationship complaint.

Variations

Mi farebbe piacere che tu apprezzassi di più quello che faccio.

I'd like you to appreciate more what I do.

Specific request for appreciation — naming the behaviour

A volte ho l'impressione di essere invisibile.

Sometimes I feel invisible.

The emotional experience of being unnoticed

Ho bisogno di sentirmi importante per te ancora.

I need to feel important to you again.

'Ancora' (again) suggests this was present before and has diminished

Mini Dialogue

— Non vorrei essere data per scontata — e so che non lo fai di proposito. — Non ti sto dando per scontata — ma capisco perché potresti sentirlo così. — Mi basterebbe sentire ogni tanto che mi noti. — Hai ragione. Ti noto sempre — ma devo dirtelo più spesso. — Esatto. Grazie per capirlo.

— I wouldn't like to be taken for granted — and I know you don't do it intentionally. — I'm not taking you for granted — but I understand why you might feel that way. — I'd just like to occasionally hear that you notice me. — You're right. I always notice you — but I need to tell you more often. — Exactly. Thank you for understanding.

Cultural Note

The experience of being 'dato per scontato' (taken for granted) is one of the most common Italian relationship complaints — particularly among women. Italian culture values 'la gentilezza quotidiana' (daily kindness) — the small acts of appreciation that keep love alive. When they are absent, the partner notices.

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