First the teeth, then the relatives — take care of yourself first, then think of others. Your own health, stability, and wellbeing must come before obligations to family and others. You cannot give what you do not have; an empty vessel cannot nourish anyone.
This proverb would be shocking to anyone who expected Sicilians always to put family first, but it reflects a strand of practical wisdom that balanced the extreme family-centredness of Sicilian culture with the equally Sicilian recognition that a dead man helps nobody. 'I denti' — the teeth — are the most immediate metaphor for personal health and capacity; keeping your teeth means keeping your ability to eat, to sustain yourself, to survive. The relatives come after, because if you destroy yourself in service of others, you are no longer capable of serving them or anyone. It was used to stop people from ruining themselves financially to help relatives, from destroying their health in service of others, from sacrificing their own futures for family demands that had no end.
A pragmatic Sicilian proverb about the necessity of self-care as the precondition for helping others. Balances the dominant family-first culture with the recognition that self-destruction serves no one. Widely used across Sicily.
Stopping someone from lending their last money to a relative
Non puoi dargli tutto. Prima i denti poi i parenti — se non hai niente tu, non puoi aiutare nessuno.
You cannot give him everything. First the teeth, then the relatives — if you have nothing yourself, you can help nobody.
A doctor advising a caregiver who is neglecting their own health
Sta curando sua madre giorno e notte senza dormire. Prima i denti poi i parenti — se cade lei, chi cura sua madre?
She is caring for her mother day and night without sleeping. First the teeth, then the relatives — if she falls, who looks after her mother?
Advising someone to accept a job abroad despite family pressure to stay
— Mia madre vuole che resto. — Prima i denti poi i parenti. Vai, costruisci qualcosa, poi puoi aiutarla davvero.
— My mother wants me to stay. — First the teeth, then the relatives. Go, build something, then you can truly help her.
Explaining the proverb to someone surprised by it
Sembra egoista ma non lo è. Prima i denti poi i parenti — un uomo che si prende cura di sé può prendersi cura di molto di più.
It sounds selfish but it is not. First the teeth, then the relatives — a man who takes care of himself can take care of much more.