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PhrasesBreakupsHo perdonato — e non per te, ma per me.
B2informal

Ho perdonato — e non per te, ma per me.

I've forgiven — not for you, but for myself.

Pronunciation

ho per-do-NA-to — e non per TE, ma per ME — stress on 'na-', 'te', 'me'.

When to use it

Describing the achievement of forgiveness after a difficult breakup — particularly when the other person caused pain.

What it means

'Ho perdonato' = I have forgiven (passato prossimo of 'perdonare'). 'Non per te, ma per me' = not for you, but for myself. This distinction is psychologically sophisticated — forgiveness as self-liberation rather than gift to the other. It is not condoning what happened; it is releasing the grip of resentment on oneself.

Variations

Il perdono mi ha liberato/a — non l'ha giustificato.

Forgiveness freed me — it didn't justify it.

Distinguishes forgiveness from absolution — the distinction matters

Non posso dimenticare — ma posso perdonare.

I can't forget — but I can forgive.

Separating forgiveness from forgetting — both are valid but different

Tenere il rancore mi stava facendo stare male — ho scelto di lasciarlo andare.

Holding the resentment was making me unwell — I chose to let it go.

Self-care as the motivation for forgiveness — the most honest reason

Mini Dialogue

— Sei riuscito/a a perdonarlo/la? — Ho perdonato — e non per lui/lei, ma per me. — Non è facile. — No. Ma tenermi il rancore dentro mi stava consumando. — E adesso? — Adesso sono più leggero/a.

— Were you able to forgive him/her? — I've forgiven — not for them, but for myself. — That's not easy. — No. But holding the resentment inside was consuming me. — And now? — Now I feel lighter.

Cultural Note

'Il perdono' (forgiveness) is a concept with deep roots in Italian Catholic culture — but its psychological dimension is increasingly understood as self-care rather than religious obligation. The modern Italian understanding of forgiveness emphasises its role in personal healing: you forgive not to release the other person but to release yourself.